So I guess I'll only make posts in January of a new year. Although I missed 2014, sads. I have so much I need to get out, but it's all clogged up and I don't know where to start.

Work: I am still absolutely happy about where I earn a paycheck. There have been times where I've been stressed or questioning my existence. But for the most part I really enjoy what I do and the people I work with. I've become fairly close with one of my co-workers. She's a bit of a weirdo so we bond pretty well.

Business: Our company has made huge strides. Our financial growth is 400% from last year which is absolutely amazing. It is all thanks to my husband who has done 99% of the work. I've kinda taken a back seat in it all, but I show up when he asks me to. We just put down a deposit on a space for a studio, it's a starter space, but it'll do captain, it'll do. He is expecting to stay there for a year and move on, I'm expecting at least a 2 year residency so we can move more comfortably.

Art: I have added watercolor, calligraphy, lettering, and paper crafting to my hobbies. I absolutely love all of them. I am hoping to one day make my money doing these things. We'll see where it goes. I suck at staying focused and driven in regards to being an entrepreneur. I have tried to start doing makeup for money, but I don't think it interests me that much. I will definitely practice and refine my skills since my husband can utilize me. But I can't see myself building my empire beating faces.

Family: I have no words for this. There has been a lot that has gone on in the past year. I'm not exactly happy about where we are as a unit, but hopefully it's just a season. My step-daughter has absolutely lost her marbles. It's heartbreaking to know that her father has done everything he possibly could to teach her to right way and her mom has actively worked against him. And now that her seeds are starting to sprout she's hands off and wants him to pick up the pieces as he always does. She is 13 and headed where most brown girls go because they don't have anyone to tell them they are worth more than that. The absolute shitty part is she has that. She has people in her life that has tried to lift her up and show her how to love herself and take care of herself. But she is so adamant about being a clone of her mother she has pushed all of that away. Funny thing, she doesn't understand why we don't treat her the same any more. She has done everything in her power to make us feel inadequate as parents and now that we are just accepting the fact that our efforts are futile and diverting the attention elsewhere, she has a problem with that as well. So much more to vent about, but maybe another day.

Life: Hasn't been too dramatic.

Marriage: I feel like we are good friends/companions. I am definitely attracted to him. I just feel like his attention to me is mostly for business and family related things. I am not a high maintenance girl. I also don't have any expectations of surprises or anything. But it would be nice if he showed interest in wanting to at least date me or take me out. Even if it's for a pint or a walk through a park, or one of the many community events that Jacksonville has to offer. But I get nothing. I try to plan excursions or find something for us to do, he does not. I'm the one who goes to the grocery store for bread, but I check to see if they have his Dark Chocolate Almond Milk in stock. He would come back with bread only. I notice when his window needs to be rolled up (our car has an issue), he will drive down the highway for miles with my window down and his up until I ask him to please roll it up. I know he isn't like me in a lot of areas, but I feel like he doesn't even try. He always says he doesn't want to buy me certain presents because he wouldn't like how he would feel if I didn't like it. So I gave him an Amazon list that I always add to. Has he bought anything from it? Nope. When I told him I wanted a DNA mapping for my birthday, did he buy it? Nope. When I told him I wanted some perfume (I don't have any grown up ones, just body sprays), did he figure out one that I would like? Nope. So at this point I'm just used to him not getting me anything, and I've tried to just accept it. But sometimes...just buy a bitch some flowers.

I guess I found a place to start...

No comments:

Post a Comment